The evening in which my 3 year old daughter hand-sold copies of my books

Last evening, the entire family visited Newburyport, MA. It's a lovely old New England seaport town.

A trip to Newburyport is not complete without a stop to The Book Rack, a wonderful local indie bookshop.

The whole family browsed. But eventually Lucy, now 7 months, was done. And she let us know. So I took the fussy little one out to the sidewalk to calm her down. Then I looked in the window and saw my wife, Gina, laughing and shrugging her shoulders to me. Zoe, who is now 3 1/2, is not shy. She easily makes friends and noticed there was also a little girl with her mommy looking to find a book.

"What books are you buying? I'm buying this book," She then led the kid and mom over to a display the store had of my books. "You should buy my daddy's books!"

The mother wasn't quite sure what to make of it. She looked to Gina, who nodded her head. Yup, the kid isn't making that up.

And the book that Zoe chose for herself to take home?

Funny Kid Quote - Tomie dePaola edition

Gina and I came home from a date night to hear our two year old screaming from her crib. Very unusual at that hour and very unlike our daughter. I went into her room to comfort her and not only was she crying, but she was wailing, "Tomie daPola! Tomie daPola!" Huh? Was she having a weird dream? No. Her babysitter forgot to put the Tomie books in the crib.

You see, our daughter sleeps with books at night. She selects different books every evening and she reads them as she drifts off to sleep and reads them when she wakes up. She was indignant that there were no selections from Tomie for her to choose from.

By coincidence, our dear friend Tomie was just in town, too—just a few days after this incident. He was interviewed by WRSI's Monte Belmonte on the radio. You can give that a listen here! 

Funny Kid Quote

During a Q&A period at a school visit:

Kid: "Do you know how in Lunch Lady and the Author Visit Vendetta, Dee says that she's excited that the author is coming because it gets them out of math? Well right now, we're supposed to be in math, but we got out of it because you're here. It's pretty awesome."

Glad I could help!

This is what a student requested I inscribe in her book

Kid Quote

     This one is from my own two-year-old. Last night we were eating dinner and she was singing "Old MacDonald". Then she said, "Who sings that song?" She answered her own question with, "Punk Farm!" Then she asked, "Dadda, you write that book?"
    "I did write that book," I responded.
     "God job, dadda."


It doesn't get much better than that! Although, she may think that her father actually wrote that song . . .

Kid Quote

KID: You're not the author.
ME: I am.
KID: Your name tag says "Larry". We're waiting for Jarrett!
ME: Oh, my tag actually says "Library".

Funny Kid Quote

In a Q&A period, I was grilled about my Hollywood connections.

KID: Have you ever been to Hollywood?
ME: Yes, I have. *brushes shoulders off*
KID: Have you ever met Justin Bieber?
ME: No, I haven't.

A few minutes later. . .
SAME KID: If you do ever meet Justin Bieber, would you get his autograph for me?
ME: Sure, but chances are, I'll never meet him.

A few more minutes later. . .
SAME KID AGAIN: Do you think you'll ever make a Justin Bieber book?

If only...

Funny Kid Quote

A Kindergartner was getting settled into the idea of an assembly and when she saw me walk to the front of the group, her jaw dropped and she called out, "Excuse me, are you real?"

Funny Kid Quote

On a recent school visit, the hosting librarian was settling the crowd down and asked the kids what the three big rules for being a good audience were.

The first kid to be called upon said, "Don't yell at the author."

Always something I appreciate!

funny kid quote (possibly most incredible kid quote ever)

In a Q&A with fifth graders, one student asked, "Do authors have something against mothers and dogs? Because they always seem to die in books."

funny kid quote

Robon Landry, librarian extraordinaire, was prepping her students for my upcoming school visit.

"Well, what does he look like?" the students asked.

Mrs. Landry opened one of my books to the back flap and showed the students my author photo. "He looks like this," she replied.

An inquisitive student studied the photo.
"He's tiny!"

Funny kid quote

While setting up for a school visit presentation, a kindergartner asked, "What's your name?"

Feeling a little mischievous, I replied, "Dr. Suess."

Without missing a beat, she looked at me incredulously and said, "Then why ain't you dead yet?"

Funny Kid Quote

I begin my presentations by breaking down just what it exactly means to be published. Here's how yesterday's presentation went:

ME: So a publisher prints lots of copies of the author's book and where might they send all of those copies?
KID #1: Libraries?
ME: Yes, very good! Where else might they send them?
KID#2: Book stores?
ME: You're right! (At this point, I have the answers I was looking for, but there is one kid still persistently raising his hand. So I call on him.)
KID#3: AT THE DOLLAR STORE!
*pause*
ME: Well hopefully not at the Dollar Store....but yes, sometimes that happens, too....

Josh is wearing a bag on his head because...

Funny kid story

Librarian Terri of Lexington, SC recently wrote in with this funny kid story. She happily agreed to let me post the story here. Enjoy!


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A second grader just came to the library with her class and immediately asked for a book about Tchaikovsky. I located our biography and tried to hand it to her, but received a blank stare in return. I asked "Didn't you want a book about Tchaikovsky?" And she replied, "I wanted Punk Farm". (What???) I found "Punk Farm" for her and told her I was confused about what "Punk Farm" and Tchaikovsky had in common and she replied, you know, that author who came for Family Reading Night, Jarrett Tchaikovsky."

Kid quotes, y'all

Hey y'all... Wait - what was that I said? "Y'all"? It can only mean one thing - I've been spending a lot of time in the South. Yes, I have been zig-zagging the South for school visits recently. Don't believe me, well then check out the proof here and here. I've hung out with some great students, great librarians - two who are authors (Hi Jackie Hopkins and Pat Miller!) and one who is a blogger (Hi BookMoot!). And of course I didn't bring my camera, but in Alabama the librarians there made a crazy awesome Punk Farm van.

In Texas, my friends brought me to the rodeo. Man those bulls are aggressive beasts!


But the true highlights of these trips are the things that come out of the kids' mouths.... Here are the best of the best:

KID #1: "Do you drive a Lamborghini?"
ME: "No."
KID #2: "Do you have a jet ski?"
ME: (laughing) "No."
KID #3: "I thought you were supposed to be rich. Don't you at least have a plasma TV?"

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"Do you like Taco Bell?"

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"Are you the author?"

(This was asked after my 45 minute presentation on being an author, how I've been an author since I was a kid, how I came up with ideas behind certain books, etc, etc....)

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"You should write Punk Farm on Ice."

Not a bad idea. When I was a kid, I saw Snorks on Ice. For reals....